menopause sch-menopause

I re-started my Herceptin treatments as of last Friday (11/15).  In light of my H-induced cardiomyopathy, my Medical Oncologist recommended weekly H treatments instead of every 3 weeks.  Supposedly this dosing schedule will be better for my heart.  My dose last week was to be a 're-loading' dose and was administered over 90 minutes.  I was told then that each following week would only be a 30 minute treatment.  So, today I arrive for treatment with just my cellphone to keep me company.  Unfortunately, THIS week was also to be administered over 90 minutes, and so I was quite bored.  Of course, the time for the dose to be administered (or the 'drip time') does not account for the time that one waits while the pharmacist readies your medications, the nurses tend to other patients, etc.  For instance, last week I was there for several hours...today, I was there for 4 hours.  I was also supposed to start my Zoladex shot today, but my nurse went to ask the pharmacist a question about my meds and he pointed out that that shot should also be administered monthly, not every three months, as that is the suggested dosage for anyone with a cardiac history.  The nurse informs me and then points out that on the plus side, the needle is a smaller gauge for the monthly shot.  *whew*  I have no idea what size the needle for the shot is...but, I am admittedly a little scared now ;)  With the dosage change, I have to wait until next week to start that med.  At least I won't have any major menopausal symptoms for Thanksgiving ;)

On another note...our middle fur kid, AJ, is 'quarantined' at the moment.  She has been peeing outside of her litter box...despite the fact that 2ie cleans them often and there are 4 litter boxes for 3 kitties.  She knows where they are located, has no problems going up and down the stairs or through the kitty door to get there.  She will follow you down to the basement and back up again, so you know she can do it.  However, about a month ago, we started finding puddles in front of the fridge.  After 2 clean ups, she stopped...or so we thought.  Now, earlier this week, we found a puddle under the piano...that would be the first of several.  After each scrub of the carpet and floor with cleaner, she would wait nearly a whole day, lulling us in to a false sense of security that she wouldn't be doing it again...but, alas, she would squat (even right in front of 2ie) and pee.  We took her to the vet yesterday and she doesn't have a temperature or any noticeable physical symptoms that would be causing this behavior.  The vet ran blood work and it all came back normal, again ruling out any physical symptoms.  They also wanted to run a urinalysis.  We left AJ at the vet's office so that they could run blood work and collect the urine sample.  Of course, we are 'those' parents and called to check in on our little angel just a few hours later.  At this point, we were informed that she was quite scared and that they didn't think she'd pee for them (apparently, there were several other canine patients that were quite vocal and since she is not accustomed to that, she was quite scared, not to mention her unfamiliar surroundings).  I picked her up, brought her home, and put her in the bathroom with food, water, a blanket and a litter box with plastic bead litter so that we could collect any urine and take it in for analysis.  Of course, she didn't pee all day...until...around 10 pm...when she not only peed, but she flipped the box over (either when jumping out or when trying to bury it).  I had to clean up all those annoying plastic beads and cat pee (*ugh!*).  At that point, I let her run free.  After all, I had pee to scrub up.  2ie and I collaborated and decided to give her more 'pee pebbles' and put in more glass beads (think those types that you would put in a flower vase)...and 2ie duct taped her litter box to the floor so it wouldn't flip.  She has been in the bathroom since 11 AM this morning...and still no pee (it's almost 11 PM).  She is eating and drinking.  No accidents anywhere else in the room.  The vet said that cats can hold their urine for quite some time.  Hopefully she pees soon so she can roam free again.  The other 2 kids have sniffed at the door, pawed at her, and she paws back.  It's sad.  Her behavior is normal other than the peeing outside of the litter box.  She hasn't pooed anywhere outside of the box (that we have found).  She still plays with her sisters and with her mommies.  She eats...she drinks.  She climbs in to her Miller Lite box, gets comfy and takes a nap.  All normal stuff.  *lol*  Any ideas or suggestions as to how to change her bad behavior?

Ch-ch-ch-changes

On Monday I saw the Medical Oncologist - we talked about a few things, including my 2 NEW meds! YAY! <-- *dripping with sarcasm*


I will now be on Tamoxifen (an anti-estrogen medication) daily - it is a 10 year regiment (at least).  I dropped the prescription off at the pharmacy on Monday and it had to be ordered, so I just picked it up yesterday.  I read over the side effects and SHEESH!  Scary!  But, the literature actually states that for women with breast cancer, the benefits of the medication greatly outweigh the side effects.  Let's pray that NONE of the scary things happen!

I will also be on an injection (Zoladex) every 3 months for 5 years (at least).  The injection will essentially "shut off" my ovaries.  Considering that my cancer is estrogen positive, I need to either have my ovaries removed, or take this injection every 3 months.  According to the doc, it will definitely force my body in to menopause.  He seems to think that the menopause symptoms I experienced throughout my chemotherapy were mild compared to what I will experience with the injection.  He said, "you will hate me once you start experiencing the menopausal symptoms"
g-r-e-a-t!  <-- also *dripping with sarcasm*

I called my gynecologist today and left a message to have her call me.  I won't see her until December for my annual exam.  I want to hear what she has to say regarding the 2 new meds and what they might mean for someone with PCOS.  Don't get me wrong...I trust my Medical Oncologist, but I also know that she (my gynecologist) has been doctoring with me for 6 or more years with my bilateral ovarian cysts.  I want to see what her medical opinion is on these meds and my history, etc.

I want to know if the meds will affect my cysts, what my chances are (statistically) to ovulate and conceive with PCOS after having been on these meds for any length of time, whether my eggs will still be viable, and what types of risks I may endure with PCOS and any changes or surges in hormones while trying to establish ovulation and/or trying to conceive...not to mention once I would be pregnant.  *sigh*  So many questions.  While I realize that not having my own biological children is not the end of the world, I just feel so damn cheated by the cancer!  I honestly truly feel that the cancer is cheating me out of motherhood!  I support adoption...fostering...and fostering to adopt.  I would consider it, whether I can conceive or not...but, it's just NOT fair!

My Medical Oncologist told me that if I were older, had at least one child, or could definitively tell him that I am not planning a family in the next 5 - 10 years, then he would recommend that I have my ovaries removed instead of going through with the injection to stop them from producing estrogen.  He also told me that if I decided that I want to have a child that it would have to be a planned pregnancy on many levels including weaning me off of my meds, etc.  He asked me to seriously consider whether I would be having children in the next 5 or 10 years...then decide whether to do both the shot and Tamoxifen...or opt to have ovaries removed. It's a lot to absorb right now. I thought we were past that particular subject. I have heard that there can be spikes in hormones in pregnancy and that those spikes can cause and/or feed cancer....that scares the bejeezus out of me too...just as much as the idea of not ever having my own biological children!

Yesterday (Wednesday), I was supposed to see the Radiation Oncologist, get my treatment (radiation) and get 're-simmed' for my boost treatment.  I only saw the doc...seems that while my side effects are completely normal and to be expected (I have been through chemo so my skin has changed, I have fair skin and light eyes, and I'm large busted), they were not expected YET.  I'm not even at my halfway mark.  So, the doc decided to give me a few days off to allow my skin to heal a bit.  It seems that the skin under my arm is starting to break down, and the skin under my breast is also starting to break down but isn't nearly as bad as under my arm yet.  

can you tell that my right breast (the one with the green marks and stickers) is a different color than my left breast?  it's not only more pink/red, but the areola and nipple are darkening as my radiation progresses

the area under my arm where my skin is breaking down

(notice the appearance of a darker square shape on my side)

this is when it first started under my arm

I am to keep it covered with the Aquaphor ointment

I have also been experiencing some changes with my body hair 

(eyebrows and eyelashes)

here I am with a little bit of peach fuzz 

(am I the only one that sees the bald spot 

on the middle of the top of my head?!)

do you see how sparse and light my eyebrows are?

close up of right eyebrow

close up of left eyebrow (notice the sparse eyelashes too?)

close up of sparse/missing eyelashes on left eye

close up of sparse/missing eyelashes on right eye

Finally...have any of you all been curious about WHERE I go every day for Radiation?  Admit it - you are! :)

...here is the radiation treatment room...

...and here is the ceiling in the radiation treatment room...

pretty, huh?  

the green trees look like they have coconuts growing on them

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

On Tuesday, November 12, Trinity held their annual Cancer Survivors dinner.  I planned to attend with Jennifer (my C-I-L).  I was 'on the fence' about whether to wear 'my hair' (AKA my wig) or a scarf.  I decided that if I was going to dress up, I was going to 'go for it' and doll myself up with make up and don my hair.  It took more time than I care to admit (had to take breaks), but this was the end result (see pics below).  I meant to take a 'before' picture, but forgot.  As I was getting ready, I reached a point where I had my make up done and my wig cap on...I had THIS thought...*whew* "I have a much greater appreciation for the effort that drag queens put in to their pre-show prep"  {yes, I truly thought that...and I admit it, I cracked myself up! *wink*}

...bangs swept over my forehead...

...bangs swept off to side...

here I am with my 'date' Jennifer  ♥

(not the most flattering picture, but we were attempting a 'selfie' before we left the dinner)

It was nice to get dressed up and dolled up, but I admit that it felt so damn good to come home and slip off my wig.  I hung it on the bathroom door and 2ie saw it this morning and jokingly said, "You're lucky I didn't see that in the middle of the night...I would have woke you up to yell at you for scaring the sh** out of me!  I thought that there was a giant rodent on our door!"  :-p

BZZAgent - Kroger Skillet Meals Campaign

The holidays are always packed with fun parties, big meals and boisterous celebrations. But all those things sure take a lot of work! You’ve got a lot on your plate this time of year, which is why Kroger wants to make sure you’ve actually got something on your dinner plate on those nights between big events. With Kroger Skillet Meals you can have a quick, easy and delicious meal, while taking one thing off your to-do list and helping you get through this joyfully crazy time of year.

Ready in just 10 minutes, each Kroger Skillet meal contains at least two servings per bag and 20 grams, or more, of protein per serving.

Enjoy a wide variety of authentic Italian flavors including NEW Tuscan-Style Penne, Sausage Rigatoni, Penne with Grilled Chicken and many more! Also available in delicious NEW Asian and Mexican varieties like Shrimp Lo Mein or Chicken Fajitas.

Create a complete meal by pairing Kroger Skillet Meals with your favorite sides, such as Kroger Garlic Bread, and Fresh Selections Salad Kits.

As a bzzagent I receive a coupon for a FREE garlic bread, fresh selections salad kit and a Kroger skillet meal -- I also receive several coupons to give to friends -- interested? Message me for a coupon! 

gettin' my groove back in the kitchen

On Wednesday evening I posted on Facebook that I was gettin' my groove back in the kitchen and whipping up some goodies...and 35 people liked it.  I'm glad my friends are happy that I'm making progress.  :)

I was definitely happy to be in the kitchen...despite the exhaustion that followed...and the aching back, legs and arm (damn lymphedema)...I whipped up GG's "Kiss My Grits" pie and Harvest Chocolate Chip cookies.  These were just two of the recipes that I had submitted to the annual Herald Star Holiday Cookbook contest.  These were the two selected to be made and brought in for sampling by the foodie judges.  I was happy to oblige.  

On Thursday, I dropped off my baked goods to be sampled and headed to radiation...with a few cookies in hand for my lovely techs.  They were eager to try the decadent morsels.  After treatment, I went back to find out if I was a 'weener' as 2ie said (haha).  I won 2nd place in my category of Holiday Cookies and Candy.  My recipe will be featured in the holiday cookbook, as well as my picture.  Yep, that's right...my braless self complete with bald head.  At least I was wearing layers and a hat.  ;)

Today, I went to radiation and first thing my techs say?...not "hello"...not "come on back"..."did you bring us the recipe for those cookies?"  LOL  I told them that I won 2nd place in my category.  I made a mental note to take the recipe on Monday.

I also received a phone call this afternoon from the coordinator of the holiday cookbook contest.  She said she was looking through the photos of the winners and wanted to reach out to me.  She realized that she knew my face.  She asked if I was currently undergoing treatment.  We chatted about my experience so far, and she assured me that there is light at the end of the tunnel (her husband is a cancer survivor).  She said that she finds it extremely wonderful and admirable that at this time in my life I had the desire, the energy and the ability to not only enter the contest, but to make two tasty dishes as a finalist and win a prize in my category!  It was a brief phone conversation but very touching and heartwarming that she reached out to me.

Amazing what a difference a smile or a kind word can make in your day -- pay it forward my friends!  ♥

Have a great weekend all! xo

O' Hairy Scary Christmas Tree

Several thoughts for today - 

(1) The non-metallic deodorant that they gave me to wear during radiation treatments smells like one of those cardboard pine-tree shaped car fresheners...I kid you not!  If you sweat at all while wearing it, you will smell like a sweaty, stinky Christmas tree...trust me, it's not pretty.

(2) They have told me not to shave my armpit on the side that is being treated (right) during treatments as it could add to irritation and/or skin reaction.  This is fine as long as the chemo-induced alopecia is there...after that, things could get a bit hairy ;)

(3) I am also not supposed to wear a bra because it could add to irritation and/or skin reaction...for a big busted woman, this is a little scary.  While I admit that having an excuse to go bra-less, it's a bit unnerving to go anywhere without one.  As the nurse so aptly put it, thankfully it is cold and I can wear layers to make myself feel better about it.

(4) As I get further away from chemo, I am starting to grow a little bit of 'peach fuzz' on my noggin.  I noticed something odd last night, I have patches on top of my head that are NOT growing any type of peach fuzz.  I thought maybe it was just the way the light was hitting my scalp.  Then today, 2ie pointed out that I do indeed have several patches that are smooth and bald and not growing any type of peach fuzz.  In fact, there is one rather large area that I am a bit worried about (almost like male pattern baldness if/when the peach fuzz grows in). While I have jokingly said that I hate to see some of the chemo-induced alopecia go, I sure as heck did NOT mean that to be applicable to the top of my head!  *sigh*

(5) I have had a total of 6 radiation treatments so far...and I felt the (mild) skin reaction as soon as the 2nd treatment and saw it as soon as the 3rd...it is like a mild sunburn on my right side (on and around my breast).  Not 'fun' but definitely not as awful as some of the chemo side effects!

Goodbye October...Hello November

Happy Halloween!  I came downstairs last night and told 2ie

 that I sprouted my 'ears' due to the radiation treatment ;)

Unfortunately, my toes are REALLY this icky -- this is NOT a Halloween prank! :-(  One of the ('lingering') cumulative effects of chemo -- the nail beds of both of my big toes have bruised, pooling blood beneath the nail, and both nails have now started to separate from my toes.  Medical Oncologist said it's a fairly normal side effect and that I will most likely lose both nails before it is all said and done.  *ugh*

My radiation treatments were somewhat delayed at the end of October.  I had the scan and form done for the treatment plan to be plotted out on October 18th.  When I returned for the films (October 25th), the staff found that it was incredibly difficult to replicate the angles and positions and that each day would be a lengthy process versus what should be fairly routine and quick.  After discussing with the Radiation Oncologist and calling him in the room to view the 'troubles', it was decided that I would have ANOTHER scan done (without a net tube top to manipulate the placement of my breast).  The NEW scan also called for a new treatment plan to be plotted and new films to be taken, etc etc.  After nearly another week, I returned for my films and very first radiation treatment (October 30th).  Today, I am 3 treatments in and I was supposed to meet with the doc.  He told the nurse that he didn't need to see me unless I was having problems or had questions.  I didn't have either, so I opted to head home.  The nurse did look at my radiation site and I do have a mild skin reaction, just three days in.  I was quite pink and sore around the areas.  I hope that I don't encounter a lot of delays or setbacks throughout treatment due to the skin reaction.  *fingers crossed*  At this point, my radiation schedule runs through the end of the year.

On October 21st I met with both the Medical Oncologist and the Cardiologist (separate appointments).  The M.O. informed me that I needed to repeat my echocardiogram sooner, rather than later, in order to get back to my Herceptin treatment (if possible) so that I wouldn't fall behind the window of time suggested to re-start the treatments.  The C hadn't initially planned to repeat the echo prior to November, wanting to allow the optimum time for the new heart meds to work.  The C increased 1 of my meds, hoping to give me the maximum benefit of it.  {so far, so good}  The 2 docs discussed their ideas/concerns and timelines over the phone.  The M.O. must have 'won' because a few days later, I was being scheduled for an echo (done on October 30th).  

Right now, I go daily for radiation treatments.  IF my echo results show that my ejection fractions have returned to the 'normal range', then I will re-start Herceptin soon.  The M.O. indicated that it is suggested that Herceptin treatments be weekly for those that may experience H-induced Cardiomyopathy because it is 'easier' on the heart.  Now I just wait for the echo results.

I had to cancel my last 2 O.T. appointments for my lymphedema due to conflicts with other appointments.  I hope to get back to that next week also.  We were just starting to make some progress with the swelling and pain in the arm.  I'm hopeful that this lull won't reverse that progress!

Yesterday, the hospital called to have me go back to the heart center today to have a repeat echo and IV.  I was a little freaked out (& of course, it was after hours for my Cardiologist office to shed any light on this).  I went today and it turns out, the tech needed to repeat key views of the echo with a Definity injection (essentially, an ultrasound contrast agent).  *whew*  The tech that did the echo on October 30th was new to me; I had had the same tech for my initial echo (pre-chemo) and the follow up echo (that showed the reduced ejection fractions).  She gave me Definity each time; same Cardiologist read the test both times and verbally ordered/authorized the injection.  Apparently, he was not happy to find out the most recent echo did not include the contrast agent.  I am happy to  learn that he has somewhat of a 'reputation' for being a stickler for details.  You gotta love that in a doctor ;)