I really and truly have been putting this off for some time now. *deep breath* As some of you already know, my partner (2ie) left me in May. There are many unresolved feelings and issues (at least on my part). I keep trying to rationalize the situation, much to my detriment. I am looking for answers and reasons behind 2ie just packing up and leaving. I'm baffled by this all...we had made it through the darkest times together and yet, here we were on the other side of it all....so close to the "finish line" and 2ie gave up and just walked away. Very little emotion, hardly any talking, absolutely NO willingness to discuss or work out any issues we may have had...just an "I love you, I'm just not IN love with you anymore". A punch to the gut. Looking back on our relationship, there were issues, but when you're in love with someone, you often wear blinders. Things I accepted as "normal" behavior, turns out not so much. I was absolutely devastated when the bomb was finally dropped. I knew SOMETHING was coming...after all, just the week before I had received a phone call from 2ie's supposed bff...she was incredibly ignorant and unkind in what she said to me...and she outright LIED to me (none of this shocked me...after all, I'd been wary of her for several years, especially recently). I was very upset by the phone call and sobbing pretty hard...I needed to talk to 2ie, so I texted...no answer...called...no answer...called work phone...no answer...finally, I was able to get 2ie on the line. After I got cut off and chewed out, I was informed that there was no need for me to rehash any of the phone call as the truth was already known. Since when is it acceptable for your partner to take a friend's side over their partner? And not want to hear both sides? And not want to console the sobbing partner on the phone? A shower, several hours and multiple xanax later, I was still heavily sobbing and feeling heartbroken. I called a nearby friend who was so worried about me and my state of mind that she drove over to sit with me. It only got worse when 2ie got home. Standing outside, on the phone with her bff...telling her and her wife to come over to work this all out. I have asked several times what would have happened if that would have been the case...would they have both sat there and lied to our faces? Lord knows the bff already did that...numerous times... Anyway, after a week of barely speaking to me or texting me, 2ie finally had the guts to face me and tell me that we were through. There was supposedly nothing I could say or do to change it. I cried, I yelled, I asked questions... 2ie left...for a bite to eat (even though we lived right across the street from numerous fast food options, 2ie drove to a bar that her bff's friends own). The next few weeks were freaking torture. 2ie was mean, selfish and uncaring. Would leave to unpack at the other house (which I helped get ready to move in to...which the bff trashed) and not come back until 3 or 5AM. I knew that the bff was more than that...her own wife suspicious because she started hiding her phone (which started the fight and phone call), but 2ie became even more paranoid about me viewing any call or text histories...plus sneaking to call or text when she thought I was sleeping, or guarding her phone with her life. It makes sick just to think about it. Of course I will never know the truth because they still lie to me on a regular basis, even when I ask for the truth for closure. I know we all love our gal pals and bffs, but a minimum of 4 phone calls a day to each other AND thousands of texts between just the two of them...hmmm. But I was told that I was just an overly jealous person...making shit up in my head. Really bitches?! I have the call/text logs in black and white.
So, despite my best efforts, I feel lower than low over the fact that the love of my life picked a fucked up situation over what we had together. It's easier said than done (I struggle with it on a daily basis), but it is HER loss, not MINE. It speaks more to HER character than MINE (even though I am apparently a bad person for posting any feelings on Facebook... Come on now! I didn't name names...so if you read it and automatically think it pertains to you, shame on you for doing anything you think warrants that reaction and if your friends or family read a post and automatically think of you, then shame on them for not thinking more of you than that). I mean, after all she left me for her supposed bff (a mutual friend) who had also previously rented her house, trashed it, owed her several thousand dollars, has been in jail for numerous charges, was married (legally) to another woman and cheated, has kids and grandkids that she rarely sees because she is too far stuck up each new gf's ass to be bothered. You know how PigPen had a dust cloud swirling around him in the Peanuts gang? That's this chick and drama. She doesn't clean or care about personal appearance and living conditions. We had been cleaning and repairing the house (thousands of dollars in repairs and that was just to make it liveable again) and I swear those bitches didn't clean a thing in the entire 7 years they lived there. White ceiling fan blades were black and had to be soaked in goo be gone and scrubbed with a magic eraser (1 per fan blade). It was BEYOND disgusting. The entire time she lived there and knew us, she supposedly had feelings for 2ie. But she still lived with and married two other women...and never divulged this to them. I have asked 2ie NUMEROUS times and it is just ignored -- but, seriously, can you explain how this bitch did ALL of this destruction and didn't bend over backwards to be GOOD to her? I mean, she took advantage of her! And yet, she left me for her. We weren't broke, but we weren't living extravagantly either - and cancer treatments were a bitch to manage and get covered - but we were careful. This bitch NEVER has cash, her bills are always overdue (even those that were still in 2ie's name - utilities at the house), she was always borrowing cash to pay bills, buy food or put gas in her car (or begging for rides to places)....but ALWAYS had weed or her wife would have a new tattoo or they would go to dinner and a show in Pittsburgh. I mean, seriously!?!?!?!??! It makes me feel sick that 2ie would choose the worst possible situation to live in over what we had together -- but it speaks more about her than me.
After all, this is her thing...she cheats (emotionally and/or physically) and leaves her relationship whenever she is bored or getting more excitement and attention elsewhere.
Upon further reflection, she and her brother are more similar than I ever imagined. That alone makes me sick and should qualify her for a psych eval....just sayin'...
She swears she still cares about me and wants to be friends, but I rarely hear from her unless she needs something... And then her attitude is pretty shitty and defensive.
What's worse is that I'm sure that friends and family are not getting the full story. I will be the bad guy...not the new girlfriend. No one will ever know the truth about her and the level of craziness and the money owed and property ruined. *sigh*
I can only hope that karma is swift and is as ruthless as they were in their recent actions.
