For Sale By Owner...Maybe...

On Sunday evening I posted the following status on Facebook:

Anyone in the market for a house in Steubenville? Great 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath, private driveway, nice neighborhood. Original hardwood, ceramic tile and carpeting throughout. Message me for details!

I had several folks tag others in the post, several messaged me out of concern, one called to make sure that nothing bad had happened, and several others messaged for details.

Essentially, 2ie found out on Saturday evening that her WV tenants are leaving at the end of January. We can't afford to carry both mortgages (which is how we ended up with tenants in the first place).  

2ie is sympathetic to the friend's circumstances, but also freaking out a bit over what will happen next -- do we move in there? do we try to rent it out again? do we sell it? do we sell mine? do we rent mine?

The 'obvious' choice (without getting too personal) is to move in to hers in WV - the monthly mortgage is cheaper and it has less time to pay off the mortgage.

Truly, one of our biggest hang-ups at the moment is that I am still going through treatments. While I haven't had the easiest time of securing any type of assistance, I have finally secured a small bit of it, and I am afraid that moving will cause that little bit to vanish. *sigh* {because this isn't 'just' a move from one city to another, it would be crossing state and county lines}

We have a list of pros and cons for both houses -- and one of our biggest pro points for this house is the neighborhood. We love our neighbors - J & G, B & D and the kids. We couldn't ask for better! I love hearing the church bells, and the train whistles (it reminds me of home)...BUT...the WV house has a front AND back porch, a garage, central air, a fenced in yard... Both houses have 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bath, full basements.

On one hand, I'm terrified to move...but on the other hand, I'm thrilled at the possibilities. We HAVE to clean from top to bottom and repair a few things before we can move in to the other house, but we have time to do that (at least we think we do at the moment). There is also the DAUNTING task of packing up this ENTIRE house and smooshing it all in to the other house -- with just the 2 of us. And, let's be honest, 2ie will be doing most of the hard labor herself as my right arm is not always reliable. Hiring movers is not a possibility at the moment - due to the cost of the labor - but, if anyone wants to help, I'd be HAPPY to cook (your choice) and supply some adult beverages (also, your choice)! :)

Selling either house seems like an impossible dream at the moment -- even though both are in relatively decent shape (oh hell, to be honest, both are near excellent shape compared to some I was shown when I was house shopping several years ago), the housing market is ROUGH! We both realize that we won't make a profit on either house, nor do we expect to....but I'd like to get out of it what I paid for it...to pay off my mortgage at the very least.

I know that there are several similar (and one notably smaller) houses in my neighborhood that are currently listed for MUCH more than what I'd list for...but as I said, I'd simply like to pay off my mortgage.

Any advice?

Good Bye 2013

I am excited to see 2013 end.  Odd though, I feel like I am still back at the beginning of the year...back in March...when I was first diagnosed.  Talking to other Survivors, I know that this feeling of 'going through the motions' is 'normal' -- that others have felt that same emotion when YOUR world stops but the rest of the universe moves on.  

Thankfully, most of the hard treatments are behind me.  I have already completed chemo...am nearly finished with radiation (just a few more treatments to go!)...and keep plugging along with Herceptin treatments and other drug therapies.  

Last Friday was my second Zoladex injection -- everything seemed to go well -- I had my Herceptin IV, then went to a private room for my shot.  The nurse took her time to numb the area (I still felt it, but she tried!).  I went home and lost the battle to the cold bugs that I had been fighting.  For the next few days I was more tired than normal, and in a bit of a stupor as my body rallied against the congestion and cold symptoms.  I woke up Monday morning and was getting ready for my radiation treatment when I noticed this...

Keep in mind, this is my lower abdomen - and the outline of the band aid is just that (an outline)...the band aid apparently applied enough pressure so that it didn't bleed OUT, but rather spread under the surface of the skin out to the sides.  

I asked to see the doc after treatment on Monday for 2 reasons -- (1) my head/chest cold, and (2) this gorgeous bruise.  The doc (not my normal doc, but another radiation oncologist) said that it sounds like I have the bug that's going around...that I'd have to 'tough it out'.  He didn't even listen to my chest (my raspy, snap-crackle-pop breathing).  The nurse did before he came in and she asked if I am asthmatic.  I told her that I have never been diagnosed as such but that every time I get a head cold, it settles in my chest (at least the last several that I have had) and then takes a very long time to clear up.  She made notes in the computer, but the doc didn't seem concerned.  She also looked at my bruise, said she would have the nurse that administered the injection come over to look at it, which she did.  Nurse J seemed a bit concerned and had me wait while she grabbed the medical oncologist.  She returned shortly after with the nurse practitioner.  The NP said that with the size of the needle from the Zoladex injection it is highly likely that it nicked something superficial, like a little capillary, and the pressure from the band aid must have kept it from bleeding out, but allowed it to bleed to the side, under the skin.  I was wearing a surgical mask (I put one on when I went in to the Cancer Center so that I wouldn't risk getting anyone else sick) and the NP asked if I was sick.  I told her about my symptoms - and again, she didn't listen to my chest - but she mentioned "that nasty bug" had been passed around with some of the staff too and that you just need to rest and tough it out.  She did mention that I should call or come back in if I had a fever accompanying my symptoms, or if the symptoms get worse or persist longer than a week.  I'm hoping that they're gone soon!  I've had enough of the hacking cough, feeling like I'm drowning in my own phlegm when I lay down, and not being able to lay on my side (I can't breathe).  I've also had enough of the nasal congestion and pain...the stomach nausea...the diarrhea. 

What a fun way to spend New Year's Eve, right?  I had planned to spend the day/evening with Grandma K while 2ie is at work.  We were going to cook up some good stuff, play a few rounds of dominoes and hang out (our yearly tradition).  Unfortunately, with this cold, I had to stay home.  I didn't want to chance getting her sick.  I did call and talk to her - she understands and appreciates that I don't want to get her sick, but I think we're both feeling a little blue not to enjoy each other's company for the day (...and the good food!).

My feelings about 2013 are best summed up as this...

Oh, 2013, you were not a kind year...you were one of the hardest, perhaps THE absolute toughest year of my life. You challenged me -- sending me numerous obstacles and transitions, some that I was sure would be the end of me. The human spirit is strong...and I dug down deep and found my strength in myself, my family and my friends. I fought hard, and I am proud to say that I am still standing. You have left your fair share of bruises and scars in your wake...I will not soon forget you, 2013. Ah, but I am so looking forward to ringing in a NEW year...hopefully 2014 will be the breath of fresh air that so many of us need and deserve. Sending out positive thoughts for peace, love, health and prosperity in the NEW YEAR! Welcome 2014!  ♥

Belated Thank You

I just wanted to take a moment to post a brief note of thanks for your love and support during my battle against breast cancer.  

Prayers, positive thoughts, encouraging texts/emails, cards, drawings/crafts from the kiddos, flowers, comments on Facebook posts, monetary gifts....ALL of your love, support and generosity is APPRECIATED more than you could possibly know.

The journey to recovery can be daunting at times but is made bearable by the love, prayers and generosity of family and friends...I am truly blessed to have each of you in my life!

Sending much love and many thanks,

~K~

gone in a flash

I can't believe it is already December 20th!  *whew*  I knew I hadn't written for a while, but didn't realize quite how long it had been (nearly a whole month!).  

To update -- after several "breaks" in treatment due to varying stages of skin reaction, I was finally released to return to radiation treatment (week of December 2nd).  I had a grade 3 skin reaction and man was that painful!  My skin was black in some spots, it had separated and opened up, and I was constantly in pain.  I'm still peeling and 'changing colors' but at least it's not painful like it was!  

I finished my "booster" treatment yesterday -- essentially my breast was taped up and the radiation was targeted specifically at my tumor bed and a specified diameter around it.  It allowed me to return to an active treatment schedule but still give most of my sore spots time to heal.  I go back to 'regular' treatments today...I truly hope that my skin cooperates so that I can finish my treatments.  I am currently slated to finish the first week of January *fingers crossed*.

I also have Herceptin treatment again this week (today).  I will have Zoladex shot #2 next week....and a repeat echocardiogram (on Monday, 12/30) to check my heart function since having resumed Herceptin treatments.  I am hopeful that the echo shows that I am still functioning in normal range so that I can put all of these treatments behind me.  I just truly hope that if there IS anything to be concerned about that it shows up sooner than later.  

The menopausal symptoms have began to rear their ugly head *ugh*  hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, increased anxiety and irritability.  Oh, the joys of chemically induced change of life!  *sigh*  I sweat one minute, freeze the next, get mad at myself and then cry about it.  NOT pretty :-\

I am still wrestling with the idea that I may never have (biological) children of my own.  I went to my gyno this week and she said that many women are not able to get pregnant after chemo and the drug treatment course afterwards.  She said that our eggs are not always viable after those treatments.  She also told me that she doesn't see the need to take my ovaries right now, but that eventually we should discuss it.  Not sure why the wait...but there are drugs out there to stop my body from producing estrogen and to block estrogen in my body...so, I will follow the course of action that my medical oncologist has suggested (for now, at least).  

I cry every time I watch something with the birth of a child, or a sweet pregnancy announcement.  We have been watching past seasons of How I Met Your Mother and in season 7 (2011), we find out that Robin Scherbatsky (Cobie Smulders) can't have children.  Until then we know that she doesn't want children, but then she thinks she may be pregnant and learns that she actually cannot have children.  I cried through every episode of season 7 that deals with Robin's infertility, her coping with her infertility, and her friends learning about it and reacting to it.  There is a quote from an episode that seems to effectively sum up my (many) emotions on facing your own (possible) infertility:

Of course it’s one thing not to want something. 

It’s another to be told you can’t have it. 

I guess it’s just nice knowing that you could someday do it

if you changed your mind. 

But now, all of a sudden that door is closed.

We have also been watching past seasons of The L Word.  Any fan of the show knows that in Season 3 Erin Daniels' character, Dana Fairbanks, finds a lump in her breast.  She goes to the doctor and is soon diagnosed with breast cancer.  She suffers through treatments and dies later in the season.  It was heart wrenching to watch this season in 2006, to see a character that we came to love battle breast cancer only to be defeated by it.  It was even harder to watch it now, going through this journey.  I cried through every episode of season 3.  The series creator Ilene Chaiken did an awesome job with this season.  Perhaps it was my new found perspective on it all, but it gave me chills from the time that "Dana" finds her lump until she takes her last breath...I was emotionally invested.  I honestly didn't think I was strong enough to watch this season yet.  As I cried through each of the episodes, I realized that I was not alone.  2ie was watching the season too and crying right along side of me.  She was also empathizing with the characters and connecting with the story line in a whole new way.  If you haven't seen the show, I recommend it.  At very least, season 3.   

Final thought of the day -- I am dealing with trying to navigate through all of the accumulating medical bills.  I am particularly frustrated over one at the moment.  I seriously have 5 different bills for the same date of service and same surgeon.  Each one is billed from a different entity for a different action/portion of the procedure.  Each one is subject to the individual billing office's terms of service.  Ironically, 4 of the 5 acknowledge and accept the hospital's charity care program determination as an accurate determination of hardship; but 1 does not.  This same 1 will not re-submit any items, as the woman indicated that the items were originally denied due to the wrong coverage.  It turns out that they attempted to bill a family planning coverage for surgery when all that the family planning coverage (through the state) will cover is a pelvic exam, birth control and a pap smear - it doesn't even cover preventative care (mammograms) or any type of breast cancer related diagnostics or treatments.  How do the politicians endorse these programs?!  Seriously!  *smdh*  I have several phone calls in to various folks hoping that SOMEONE can help me navigate this whole mess -- including the financial department at the hospital and the patient advocate at the cancer center.  *fingers crossed*  

...Happy Friday...